Recovery is possible
WARNING THIS POST MAY TRIGGER SOME PEOPLE!
Whilst I listen to my zen music between client sessions, I am recalling an Eating Disorder Client’s struggle with what they perceived to be “it’s just me, what’s wrong with me, why can’t I, stop what I am doing”. During the session with the client, I read out my poem, which resonated with them in fact they exclaimed! “That’s it! That’s just how I feel, I thought I was the only one who felt this way, it is so nice to hear I am not alone, that others have felt this way too.”
When reflecting on the session, I recalled what they had said and it made me think of, my struggle to just STOP and feel my emotions rather than purge them this was highlighted one weekend when I was just on a binge and purge cycle of destruction due to overwhelming feelings of sorrow and loss, what also accompanied these feelings were who cares I don’t care if I live or die! I recall I had even binged on out-of-date food giving myself food poisoning, which took a week to recover from, I thought I can’t keep doing this, or I WILL KILL MYSELF!
One night it just hit me let’s take control I sort help from a counsellor and during this time of recovery, my creative thoughts came through in poem form, which I share with you below:
Purging My Emotions - Dark & Light
In the darkest days, in the darkest times, you rear your ugly head.
You taunt me; you haunt me, you push me to the edge.
I succumb and make the journey, I stand; I bend; I open my mouth.
My two fingers paused ready to move south!
Here it comes and you have won, the purging of my emotions has begun.
How many times will you make me do it tonight? This is my only fight!
The time has come, and I can see you for what you are,
My Controller, My Comforter, My Deep Inner Fears.
Now the time has come for me to take back what you had won,
My Confidence, My Self-control, My Life’s Pure Light.
For I have the power to banish.
My self-limiting beliefs, The Control of others, And the Control of YOU!
YOU WILL NOT WIN; I NO LONGER NEED YOU
DO NOT SUFFER IN SILENCE – DO NOT SUFFER ALONE:
If this made you think, there is lots of support out there from counsellors/therapists such as myself and/or national agencies such as B-eat or National Centre for Eating Disorders
United States of America